Lincoln City Getaway: Unbeatable Holiday Inn Express Deals!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive HEADFIRST into a review that's less "professional travel agent" and more "slightly-overwhelmed-but-enthusiastic travel blogger who maybe had a few too many poolside cocktails." This is gonna be… interesting.
(Disclaimer: This review is based on the provided list of features. I haven’t actually been anywhere, but I’m damn good at imagining I have!)
SEO & Metadata Shenanigans (because apparently, that's important):
- Keywords: Hotel Review, Luxury Hotel, Accessibility, Spa, Restaurant, Pool, Wi-Fi, Family Friendly, Security, COVID-19 Safety, Wheelchair Accessible, Fitness Center, All-Inclusive, [Insert Hotel Name - if one existed, which it doesn't!], Resort, Destination [if we knew the fictional location, which we don't!].
- Meta Description: A brutally honest (and slightly unhinged) review of amenities, accessibility, dining, and safety protocols in a hotel seemingly designed by a committee of overly-enthusiastic feature-checkers. Prepare for stream-of-consciousness musings, questionable opinions, and the occasional existential crisis… all while navigating what could be a fantastic getaway! (Again, hypothetical!)
Let's Get This Party Started! (Or at least, pretend it has)
Right, so, the hotel. Let's just call it… “The Grand Imaginary Escape.” That sounds… exotic, right? Okay, deep breath. Here we go…
Accessibility: Ah, the bedrock of a good holiday. This imaginary Grand Escape claims it takes accessibility seriously. Claims. Wheelchair accessible? Check. Elevators? Probably. (I hope! I hate stairs.) Facilities for disabled guests? Well, they say so. I'm crossing my fingers, because if the ramps are steeper than my last relationship, we've got a problem.
On-site Accessible Restaurants/Lounges: Crucial. Nobody wants to be stuck in their room because the only eatery is a four-story climb. My gut (and my imaginary gut, which is currently craving a burger) hopes these accessible restaurants actually have accessible entrances. And maybe some decent vegetarian options, because, you know, sometimes salad is all you need.
Wheelchair Accessible: (Repeating myself, but it's that important). If this place doesn’t have proper wheelchair access, I'm going to be seriously disappointed. I'm picturing a glorious, sunny lounge, but if my fictional wheelchair can't get there, the whole vibe is ruined. The devil is in the details, right?
Internet Access (and the Wi-Fi Saga):
- Internet: Okay, okay, okay. Internet. It’s 2024, people. If there's no internet, I'm rioting.
- Free Wi-Fi in All Rooms!: Thank God. Nothing worse than paying extra for Wi-Fi. And then it being slower than a snail on Valium.
- Internet [LAN]: LAN? Seriously? Who even uses LAN anymore? This has to be for some techy convention or something. Interesting to have but…meh.
- Internet Services: Whatever that means. Maybe someone will help me find YouTube?
- Wi-Fi in Public Areas: Yes! Essential for showing off my amazing poolside selfies. Unless, of course, the pool is inaccessible. See how this all matters?
Things to Do & Ways to Relax (Ah, The Good Stuff):
- Body Scrub, Body Wrap…: My inner mermaid is THRILLED. I can already picture myself, slathered in seaweed, humming a sea shanty. (In my imagination, of course.)
- Fitness Center, Gym/Fitness: Gotta work off those imaginary cocktails, right? I'll need a gym with good air conditioning, because me and sweat don't play well together.
- Foot Bath: Yes, please! After a long day of… imagining myself doing things, a foot bath sounds heavenly.
- Massage: Essential. If the masseuse isn’t skilled in unknotting the tension from a long, imaginary day, I'm going to be cranky.
- Pool with View: YES. A pool with a view? Sign me up!
- Sauna, Spa, Spa/Sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: Okay, this place is basically heaven. But… are the changing rooms accessible? Are there enough towels? These are the real questions, people.
Cleanliness and Safety (Ugh, Real World Stuff):
Alright, here’s where we get serious. COVID-19 is a thing, and the hotels that handle it right get my respect. The Grand Imaginary Escape claims to take precautions, but we'll see if they actually follow through.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Good, good. Let's hope they're strong enough to tackle whatever craziness I bring with me.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Necessary. This is good to know.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere, please! At every turn.
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Essential. Hopefully, the sheets are nice and clean.
- Hygiene certification: Good, another check mark.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Necessary.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Very important.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Excellent. I like the sound of this.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: Okay, some people want this, some don't.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Got it.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Awesome.
- Sterilizing equipment: Great.
- Safe dining setup: Vital.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Yes!
- Shared stationery removed: Smart.
- Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit: Good peace of mind, even if it’s the imaginary peace of mind.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: (My Time To SHINE)
- A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement: I'm a fussy eater; the more options, the better.
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: Oooooh, yes! I might actually drag myself out of bed early for this.
- Bar, Bottle of water, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service: Crucial. Always. The cornerstone of any good holiday.
- Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant: Bring on the carbs!
- Happy hour: Now we're talking!
- International cuisine in restaurant: Love it.
- Poolside bar: Need. (I'm going to be spending a lot of time here, I can tell.)
- Restaurants: Plural! Good.
- Room service [24-hour]: Essential for those late-night pizza cravings.
- Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant: More good news! I really hope the burger is good.
- Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant: More options.
Services and Conveniences: (Let's See What They've Got!)
Here's where a hotel really shines (or doesn’t).
- Air conditioning in public area: Necessary.
- Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities: No one invited me to an event!
- Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store: All good.
- Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman: These are important.
- Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments: Yes.
- Facilities for disabled guests: I am repeating myself!
- Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop: More than I need, but it’s nice to have.
- Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided: Cool.
- Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery: Fine by me not to use any of these.
- On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine: I'm not interested, but… good for them.
- Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: I don’t need these.
For the Kids (if you’ve got ‘em):
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: That's lovely.
Access, Security & Getting Around! (Keeping Us Safe)
- CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property: Okay, good.
- Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private]: Good.
- Couple's room, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour]: All necessities.
Okay, buckle up, buttercup, because this ain't your grandma's itinerary. We're going to Lincoln City, Oregon, and we're staying… wait for it… at a Holiday Inn Express. (Don't judge, I'm on a budget and sometimes, the promise of free waffles is all that matters. Also, free coffee, you know?). This isn't going to be smooth sailing. This is going to be… real.
Lincoln City, OR Pilgrimage: A Mostly Coherent Adventure (with Waffles)
Day 1: Arrival and the Battle of the Beach (and My Nerves)
- 3:17 PM (or thereabouts): Arrival. Finally. After a drive that felt like a week in a tin can. The initial plan, the one meticulously crafted on Google Maps, was to arrive at 2 pm. HA! Reality: traffic, snack breaks, and a sudden, inexplicable urge to buy a rubber chicken. Anyway, finally at the Holiday Inn Express and Suites. First impressions? The lobby smells faintly of chlorine and… optimism? Or maybe it's just the cleaning solution. Either way, I'm ready for a nap. And those waffles.
- 3:30 PM: Check-in. Praying to the hotel gods for a room away from the elevator. (Elevators are the bane of my existence. I swear, they're plotting against humanity.) The front desk person is…let's say "efficient." No warm smiles, just "room number, here's your card, enjoy." Hey, maybe the free breakfast softens the blow.
- 4:00 PM (ish): Room reveal! Okay, it's… a room. Clean enough. The air conditioning is already fighting bravely against the Oregon coast humidity. The window? Looks out… at another building. Well, at least it's not the parking lot. Minor victory! Important Note to Self: Pack earplugs. I foresee a noisy night.
- 4:30 PM: Beach bound! I'm supposed to be a calm, nature-loving person, but the sight of the ocean always throws me into a near-panic state. So many waves! So much sand! It's overwhelming. Found a tiny, sad-looking message in a bottle, maybe it's from me.
- 5:00 PM: Actually on the beach. The wind is INTENSE. My hair is currently engaged in a full-blown war with the elements. I swear I saw a seagull laugh at me. Okay, maybe it was just me. The views, when my eyes aren't tearing up from the wind, are pretty spectacular though. Seriously. The ocean is massive and crashing.
- 6:00 PM: Sunset… Almost. Clouds, naturally. But the sky puts on a pretty good show anyway. Saw a couple trying to take the perfect selfie. I am a chronic picture avoider, so I don't even want to join them
Day 2: Waffles, Wind, and Wonder (Maybe)
- 7:00 AM: Breakfast! The moment I've been waiting for. The promised land of free waffles. This is where things turn. The waffle maker is, shall we say, complicated. (Me and complicated things don't make good friends. See: relationship history). After a minor meltdown (mostly internal), I manage to produce a slightly undercooked, misshapen waffle. Worth it. Coffee is strong and hot. Victory!
- 8:00 AM: Attempted beach walk #2. Armed with earplugs and a renewed sense of purpose. The wind? Just as savage. The waves? Still crashing. I decide to wander south and it's amazing. The world feels so large here.
- 10:00 AM: Exploring "downtown". A bit… sparse. But charming! I'm a sucker for quirky shops and the promise of something unique. Found a cool shop selling seashells with quotes glued to them. I found one that says "You got this". Sold!
- 11:00 AM: Wandering until lunch. Ate at a pizza place. Nothing special, but I'm starting to warm to this place.
- 1:00 PM: Attempted visit to a local glass blowing shop! But it was booked. This place is way more popular than I thought!
- 3:00 PM: Nap time. It's the best part of any holiday. I dream of waffles and sunshine. Maybe both.
- 5:00 PM: Beach walk number 3.
Day 3: Departure and (Maybe) Peace
- 7:00 AM: Another waffle. I'm getting better at this! Less misshapen. More… edible.
- 8:00 AM: Final Beach Walk. Admiring the ocean one last time. (I may or may not have built a tiny sandcastle that was instantly destroyed by a rogue wave. It was symbolic, I swear).
- 9:00 AM: Farewell, Lincoln City. The coast has been conquered or maybe the coast has conquered me. Either way, I feel strangely… peaceful. (Except for the drive. Traffic again? Oh, come on!)
- 10:00 AM: Checkout.
- 11:00 AM: Leaving.
- 12:00 PM: Back to reality!
Reflections (or, Random Rants):
- The Oregon Coast is beautiful, but BRUTAL. Bring layers. Seriously. And a hat. And a thick skin.
- Holiday Inn Express waffles are a lifesaver, even when undercooked.
- I need to learn to take more pictures. And maybe stop trying to be Instagram-perfect and just enjoy the moment.
- Lincoln City is a bit of a hidden gem. And those gems, well, sometimes they're imperfect, too. Just like me. And that's okay.
- I am not a big fan of sand between my toes. Perhaps next time I'll bring boots.
- Will I go back? Absolutely. With earplugs, a better waffle strategy, and maybe a rubber chicken. A girl can dream.
So, what *exactly* is this FAQ about? Like, what am I getting myself into?
Well, hold your horses! First of all, I need to know *what* you're looking for with this. Okay, okay, you get the idea. This is a FAQ that’s about… life! (Big, dramatic gasp). Just kidding… or am I? This is more about the stuff that gets you through the day. The triumphs, the stumbles, the moments that make you laugh until your stomach hurts, and the ones that make you want to hide under the covers with a giant tub of ice cream. It's about the messy, beautiful reality of *being* human.
Am I going to learn anything useful here? Be honest.
Useful? Hmmm... that depends on your definition of "useful." You might learn something. You might also just get a good chuckle. Truthfully, I'm not sure how helpful this is, but if it helps with an internal existential crisis, I'm happy! I mean, I can't promise life hacks or anything. But maybe, *just maybe*, you'll feel a little less alone in this crazy world.
Okay, I'm intrigued. But, I don't want to waste my time – what's the main topic then?
It's really just about whatever pops into my head! Seriously! Today? Maybe the utter chaos of trying to find matching socks in the morning. Yesterday? The epic, glorious *failure* that was my attempt at baking a sourdough starter. Okay, maybe not the biggest topic, but some days it's all you've got. It's all very... organic. Think of it like a conversation that's occasionally gone off the rails.
You mentioned sourdough. Are you some kind of culinary guru? Because I am *not*.
Culinary guru?! HA! No way. I’m more like… a culinary *optimist*. I see a recipe, I get excited, I dive in headfirst. Then, reality hits. I burned the first loaf. It was like a hockey puck. Hard as a rock. And I nearly cried. Okay I did cry. But then I thought, "Hey at least the dog liked it!" (He did not. He sniffed it and walked away). Seriously, I'm an amateur at *best*. But I *love* food and eating!
What's your opinion on... procrastination? Is it a friend or foe?
Oh, procrastination and I? We're practically besties. It's a love-hate relationship for sure. I'm *great* at it. Like, gold medal material. I'll start a project, get distracted by a shiny object (or the internet), and suddenly it's 3 AM and I'm watching cat videos. It's a foe because it causes stress and deadlines. But hey, sometimes you have to make it an ally.
What's the best piece of advice you've ever gotten?
Oh, that's a tough one! I've gotten a lot of advice in my life. My grandmother always said to 'wear comfortable shoes.' I didn't listen. My mother said, "Don't air your dirty laundry in public." I think I have already failed. (Sorry, Mom!). One time, a friend told me, "Don't worry about what other people think." And you know what? That one is actually pretty solid. It doesn't always work, but I try.
What keeps you going? Seriously, what gets you through the tough days?
Coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. (Just kidding... mostly). Okay, the truth is, it's the little things. The smell of rain. A good book. A hilarious conversation with a friend. The feeling of accomplishment, no matter how small. You know, sometimes you just gotta find those tiny sparks of joy, hold onto them, and let them light your way when everything feels bleak. And sometimes, chocolate. Don't underestimate the power of chocolate. Seriously.
What are your pet peeves? Because EVERYONE has them, let's be honest.
Oh, the pet peeves! Where do I start?! People who chew with their mouths open. Slow walkers on sidewalks. Fake smiles. Unsolicited advice (ironic, I know!). And, probably the biggest, people who put the toilet paper roll on the wrong way! I mean, *come on*! What monster does that?! Seriously, I'm getting worked up just thinking about it.
So, what's next? Will this FAQ ever... end?
End? Maybe! Probably not. It depends on how many cups of coffee I've had. I'm just a person rambling, trying to find some meaning. This could go on forever, or it could abruptly stop at any moment. But hey, life is unpredictable, right? So, let's embrace the chaos!
What's the worst part about this entire thing? (Be honest!)
Hmm... The worst part? Well, probably the self-doubt that creeps in. Is this interesting? Am I boring people? Should I be doing something more *productive*? Is there a point to any of this? Those questions swirl around my head constantly. It's a constant struggle to push back the urge to delete everything. It's like, every time I write something, I wonder what the hell I'm doing. No, no, take that back I *know* what I'm doing, I'm answering your questions! And it is, weirdly, kind of fun, though... Yeah. The self doubt is a bummer. So, if you're reading this, and you're still here, thank you. It means the world!
